Divest- March

Divest is my one word inspiration for 2023. I have too much stuff which makes me unhappy. Some of it is mine I confess, clothes I no longer wear, books I’ll never read again or those which I’ve not started yet, craft materials which are unloved and surplus to my current interests or for projects I’ve not started. Some of the stuff came from my parent’s homes or belonged to my husband.. I don’t need a photo enlarger which I spotted last week in the garage for example. It all gets me down.

The other thing that I would love to divest is procrastination, panic and stress.

I review how I’ve done each month, join other one worders through Caroline who hosts us all, link here https://youronewordblog.wordpress.com/2023/03/27/checking-in-3-23/

and make a plan for the following month in a follow on post.

So how did I do in March? Simply – better in some areas than others.

Decluttering-

1 The focus was on my wardrobe. Oh dear! I managed to part with one dress I wore to a wedding 15 years ago and didn’t much like, and it’s still waiting to go to the charity shop. But I also have a small box of other things and some spare bed linen, also still waiting to go. Could do better.

2 Give away more of my surplus craft materials. I was going to visit a destash sale to see what people liked or didn’t like, in the end I had the offer of a day out with my family, more on that later, upshot was no destash sale. It occurs to me I should just book a table and go next time. I mean if I paid out good money for a table I might actually do some serious destashing.

3 To my shame I have a lot of projects I want to actually do, so the aim in March was to do one.

Hurrah, one embroidery pouch started and finished, perfect for my embroidery scissors.

4 Instead of borrowing novels ( nb note change to plan from generic books) Read at least one novel from my own shelves. Part success- I have started a novel my son lent me a year ago, and I’ve only borrowed non fiction books. But I did buy two non fiction from the withdrawn books at the library yesterday. Could have been worse, I was actually allowed to fill a bag for £1.00 , so only two wasn’t bad. Besides which books are good for the soul.Of course I am supposed to be doing one in, one out, so maybe I could part with two books, sure I must have some I don’t really need.

Divest myself of negative behaviours which cause stress. I have had more success here.

This month has been really full of nice things to do in addition to the regular craft and poetry appreciation groups, I have been to a family history group meeting, and talks on the archaeology digs on the site of Wolf Hall, home of the Seymour family, and one given on the digs that took place in Salisbury on brown field building sites, revealing the old medieval town by Time Team’s Phil Harding, now working for Wessex Archaeology.

Phil Harding

Not my photo, copied from the U3A Facebook page.

1 All were lovely things to do, and although I forgot to record daily gratitude I was certainly really grateful for having the chance to do these things.

2 I have stayed proactive on household maintenance too. Checked the smoke alarm, and cleared away dead leaves and debris from the outside walls. There has been a lot of wind and rain this month so I am still waiting for the lawn to be fettled.

3 I have stayed off caffeine. I can’t believe how much better I am sleeping for it.

4 The weather put me off walking with awe this month, not good but I did have a big blast of awe on Saturday when my son, two grandchildren and I visited Cheddar Gorge and went deep underground.

Stalactites and

Stalagmites and

Cheddar Cheese, maturing in the caves for a year. Very delicious, flavoursome but not over powering.

Yes I bought some, of course I did.

And an exact replica of Cheddar Man, from the mesolithic time, found during excavation of the caves. Original in the British museum.

So I had a month with no procrastination, and lots of positives to promote Good mental health. Yet, I found myself in a stressful situation on one occasion towards the end of the month and on the brink of giving myself unnecessary heart ache. I am so proud I spotted the problem thinking and dealt with it using the tools I’ve been reading about.

Briefly , I had just paid the balance on a three day craft holiday to be taken in May. I was really looking forward to two days of knitting and an all day outing to a Woollen Mill in Wales. The day after I paid I was phoned to say the holiday was cancelled due to lack of numbers. I was offered an alternative date which I declined as I had other plans for that particular month, and asked for a refund which I was told would be made in 2-3working days. Nothing to get het up about. Indeed I was busy sorting out the purchase of a new bra… A bra fitting at M&S which I actually dislike doing completely unrationally… And I suppose having bought three new bras, only divesting myself of only one old one, does not go with my one in, one out plan.

I digress. About 8pm that night, I check emails, nothing from the holiday company, my account with them just says Holiday cancelled, shows that I paid in full, nothing about a refund. I read the terms and conditions, which I had actually read when I booked it, I checked which trade bodies they belonged too, I read reviews online…. People complaining about refunds. Panic set in. Well I filled in an online form in which I said I’d had a phone call, but nothing showed on my account, please could I have a confirmation email. Now it was 9pm , and customer services were closed, obviously .

I recognised I needed to do something and fast to stop my downward spiral. I turned to the notebook I am using this year for my one word. On the first page I’ve written on a scale of one to ten, what’s the worst thing that can happen?

I gave not getting a refund a score of four.

The score for the hassle of getting a refund went up to six.

So the hassle and self induced anxiety was greater than a negative outcome. How silly is that?

Which took me to the quote I’ve been thinking about all month from the Buddha” The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn the past, worry about the future or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly “.

And here I was anticipating troubles. The only thing I could do ; I’d done in requesting confirmation of a refund .

So what to do about this ” distorted and corrupt thinking” . So I tried the 54321 method. 5 things I can see, 4 I can hear, 3 I can touch, 2 I can smell and 1 I can taste. I thought about going in my mind to my happy place, which was Greece, none of this worked. I had a bath, I went to bed and there had an idea which actually worked. I read my morning pages from a year ago to see what I was doing then as a new widow adjusting to life. I saw myself taking financial decisions, making choices, organising work in the garden, getting out and about, joining new things. I saw myself being OK, coping, doing things.. it reminded me of good times, of being a proper grown up standing on my own two feet. I read for an hour. I slept like a log.

The following day at approximately 3 pm I had an email confirming that a refund was coming my way. I’ll know if it has in a few days time.

Whether it has or hasn’t I learned a very good lesson from the experience . Those morning pages held the answers.. They are proof that I do cope. There was a positive from this negative experience. It was worth learning. And I am wondering where I can go on holiday instead.. Won’t be with that company for sure.

So my Divest journey continues. More later this week when I draw up my plan for April.

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading .

Take care,

Cathyx

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